Loved this piece. “Effortless” also has an insidiously pressurizing effect on how we feel about how we cook, and how we invite others to join us at the table. Even something as potentially simple as having friends over for dinner can feel so scary when we're bombarded by messages that imply we should already know how to do this. Both cooking and hosting are much harder when you’re told that "effortless cooking" and "effortless entertaining" are an actual thing that other people are doing. There’s a cognitive dissonance: How am I looking at a beautiful, photo worthy spread of food and simultaneously being told that it’s actually low lift and easy? Maybe it's easy if you already have the cooking skills, the beautiful dining room, and free time. OR - What if the effort — even if we find ways of making it more manageable — is actually part of the point? Part of how we show that we care about the people we’re feeding/hosting? Much to think about!
Thank you Hillary! I hadn't even thought about effort in that context, and now I'm recalling all of the times I've seen 'effortless meals' or 'effortless dishes to try' ... I also think I've enjoyed cooking and baking the least when I've approached it from that perspective (because it's never truly 'effortless'!)
Yes! It makes you feel like you’re failing by the very fact of trying. I feel like it is the same with getting dressed. Taking time to consider what to wear? Might feel like failing at style when you make “effortless” a goal ❤️
This was so very, very good Eleanor. I love the way you contrasted the fact that we appreciate the effort of other arts but want to diminish style as needing effort because it feels frivolous. I have been quietly bucking that notion in my own life by owning the fact that I really care what I wear and what that communicates (as you said; considering the time and place of what I’m dressing for).
I’m bothered by the idea of “effortless” dressing because most women who care about clothes know that it’s BS so why do we continue the façade? It’s almost like when we compliment each other’s outfits, the response should be “thanks, I really thought about this one.”
Such a good read! I giggled at the Joan Didion packing list! There was a Joan Didion show here in LA a couple years ago, and I took a picture of that list as if to emulate it. I never have.
I loved this, Eleanor!💕 I’ve been railing against fashion being coded as feminine (and therefore, weak, meaningless, and worthy of dismissal) for years. But I love the idea - thank you, Kelly, above - of ceasing minimizing the effort it takes to make outfits. I think I might start responding to comments with, “Thanks, this was a really complicated styling effort that required a lot of work.” Isn’t there a famous quote? “It takes effort to look this good.”
Love this piece! For me, I don't think of clothing or style as art (I mean this in a personal context, professionals, artists and artisans might feel differently) and it's more of a hobby, which to me requires serious effort to be good at, like collecting stamps, cooking, reading, painting, craft, woodworking, etc etc. My friends ask me where to shop and then get annoyed when I ask them detailed questions about their preferences, and I'm always at pains to explain that nothing about buying and wearing the right thing is effortless.
I loved this and can totally relate to trying to find joy in starting new things. I’ve been trying to take my fashion writing voice more seriously and have been working through a bunch of "how-to" books lately (also definitely adding the ones you mentioned to my list). The other night I couldn’t believe how happy it made me to be doing self-imposed homework on a random Wednesday night instead of just watching CBS or something. It really hit me how much joy there can be in effort, especially when you’re building something new from scratch.
Loved this piece. “Effortless” also has an insidiously pressurizing effect on how we feel about how we cook, and how we invite others to join us at the table. Even something as potentially simple as having friends over for dinner can feel so scary when we're bombarded by messages that imply we should already know how to do this. Both cooking and hosting are much harder when you’re told that "effortless cooking" and "effortless entertaining" are an actual thing that other people are doing. There’s a cognitive dissonance: How am I looking at a beautiful, photo worthy spread of food and simultaneously being told that it’s actually low lift and easy? Maybe it's easy if you already have the cooking skills, the beautiful dining room, and free time. OR - What if the effort — even if we find ways of making it more manageable — is actually part of the point? Part of how we show that we care about the people we’re feeding/hosting? Much to think about!
Thank you Hillary! I hadn't even thought about effort in that context, and now I'm recalling all of the times I've seen 'effortless meals' or 'effortless dishes to try' ... I also think I've enjoyed cooking and baking the least when I've approached it from that perspective (because it's never truly 'effortless'!)
Yes! It makes you feel like you’re failing by the very fact of trying. I feel like it is the same with getting dressed. Taking time to consider what to wear? Might feel like failing at style when you make “effortless” a goal ❤️
This was so very, very good Eleanor. I love the way you contrasted the fact that we appreciate the effort of other arts but want to diminish style as needing effort because it feels frivolous. I have been quietly bucking that notion in my own life by owning the fact that I really care what I wear and what that communicates (as you said; considering the time and place of what I’m dressing for).
I’m bothered by the idea of “effortless” dressing because most women who care about clothes know that it’s BS so why do we continue the façade? It’s almost like when we compliment each other’s outfits, the response should be “thanks, I really thought about this one.”
Thank you Kelly! I love that response - I may use that next time :)
As you can probably imagine, I love this. No time for hiding anything including effort. Why do we not celebrate it?
<3
Such a good read! I giggled at the Joan Didion packing list! There was a Joan Didion show here in LA a couple years ago, and I took a picture of that list as if to emulate it. I never have.
Thank you, Joscelyne!
I loved this, Eleanor!💕 I’ve been railing against fashion being coded as feminine (and therefore, weak, meaningless, and worthy of dismissal) for years. But I love the idea - thank you, Kelly, above - of ceasing minimizing the effort it takes to make outfits. I think I might start responding to comments with, “Thanks, this was a really complicated styling effort that required a lot of work.” Isn’t there a famous quote? “It takes effort to look this good.”
Love this piece! For me, I don't think of clothing or style as art (I mean this in a personal context, professionals, artists and artisans might feel differently) and it's more of a hobby, which to me requires serious effort to be good at, like collecting stamps, cooking, reading, painting, craft, woodworking, etc etc. My friends ask me where to shop and then get annoyed when I ask them detailed questions about their preferences, and I'm always at pains to explain that nothing about buying and wearing the right thing is effortless.
LOVED this piece! And yes to making an effort!
Thank you, Harriet!
I loved this and can totally relate to trying to find joy in starting new things. I’ve been trying to take my fashion writing voice more seriously and have been working through a bunch of "how-to" books lately (also definitely adding the ones you mentioned to my list). The other night I couldn’t believe how happy it made me to be doing self-imposed homework on a random Wednesday night instead of just watching CBS or something. It really hit me how much joy there can be in effort, especially when you’re building something new from scratch.
"self-imposed homework" is the best! =)
Oh I love this so much! I love effort, I love intention — effortlessness only comes from years and years of effort!
Thank you, Stephanie! I love the way you just framed it, as something that emerges
This is terrific! I've struggled with “effortlessness" as well (gift link): https://wordworking.medium.com/against-effortlessness-80777376b1c9?sk=cc07407500014ee5b061398b9293867c
Thank you, Nancy!
Behind every so called "effortless" thing there seems to be the open secret that it wasn't in face effortless. I wish we could just drop the facade.