I think there's something about a wedding being a one time event when you will be seeing both people you know and people you've never met and expecting the outfit you wear to at a glance be able to tell everyone everything you want them to know about you. It's a lot to ask (and that was a really long sentence 😬)! I think you looked beautiful in the one you ended up in and hey, at least it's just one night and it's over now!
Seconding all of this! What a treat to see your wedding dress. And I too have way more angst over wedding guest attire than any other kind of clothing. I appreciate that you too want to wear something non-clingy that you can move in and not sweat through. Why is it so hard?
Initially read this headline “Rejecting the Reformation Industrial Complex” as a likely takedown of the Protestant Ethic in modern-day capitalism, ha! Maybe that too :).
I have 6 weddings on the docket for the year (!) and have found myself spiraling similarly. Everything looks the same and everything has random cutouts and everything is polyester. It's been a tough hunt for sure!
as a recently self proclaimed non-dress wearer, this is my worst nightmare. i realized after decades that dresses really never feel like me, although i love skirt/top separates. if i had to attend a black tie event (which i thankfully never have), i think id try to make separates work with a really architectural skirt in a fancy fabric. or even better a great suit, but i know I’d need to get it tailored and it would probably cost a fortune to get right.
The tailoring was why I didn't look for a suit or separates in the first place (I think black-tie also felt like I would need a very specific type of suit), but I'm absolutely going to look for a suit to keep on deck for the future!
knowing nothing about black tie, i'd be interested to hear what the "rules" are - and whether they vary from community to community. i'm sure whatever they are i would end up breaking them!
100% i even forget my own name when trying to find looks for events. It's like I'm born anew just now finding what fashion is. I dont understand it either! I've been on the hunt for a linen suit in a non-beige so I at least have a go-to when my brain takes flight
You are so beautiful and you know yourself so well — said your mom’s new best friend. I have a black tuxedo. Alexander McQueen jumpsuit that I got in about 2015. What was the time of the J.Crew striped shirts and colorful necklaces together? I got it then. That’s it. No new dresses for events ever! Xoxoxo
This was so fun to read, mostly because it is exactly the saga I’ve endured so many times. I, too, can’t stand the slinky style dresses and couldn’t imagine myself wearing them. While I don’t go to weddings often anymore (most of my friends are married) I occasionally have to go to black tie events. Inspired by Allison Bornstein’s “buy the dress when you have nothing planned,” I purchased two dresses secondhand for black tie events. One spring/summer and one fall/winter. Now I don’t worry about it!
Wowwww, this is my experience, too. I'm barely 5 feet tall, so finding a long dress for a wedding is always difficult, and I absolutely loaaattheee the formal dress styles being sold rn, which are, as you said, basically ONLY silky, draping, cowl-necky, slinky dresses. They don't work on my athletic build and also, I just find them boring. Everyone wears them. Yawn. Every time I'm invited to a wedding, I freak out, so...nice to know it isn't just me? I had a wedding in March and wore a dress I rented from Nuuly that I didn't love but fit me. It smelled like someone else's body odor and had a weird, trendy pattern, but made my butt look good. I just hope I don't have any more weddings in the future.
Can't wait for your post about finding a pantsuit; that is way more my style!
Wedding dressing def taps into anxiety for many ppl I think, myself included!!! I have a few go-to outfits (one is actually an old bridesmaid jumpsuit, the crate bridesmaid outfit that’s actually repeatable?!) that are not my standard style tbh. I think I just say “it’s a wedding, I’m here to look nice in the background of a dance floor pic for the bride” or something? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
also wow your wedding dress is GORGEOUS (and your makeup/hair omg)!! I bet dyeing it would definitely help ease some of that discomfort around wedding dressing. I’m all for the “here’s my go-to wedding look” no thought necessary option, since I already KNOW I will wind up getting in my head abt it regardless of how the outfit objectively looks. Not for everyone, but it’s a compromise I was happy to make to stop having that last minute PANIC tbh.
wow--can't believe you were able to keep an old bridesmaid outfit! (to be fair, I've only had two, and I got to pick both out myself, but neither felt like me after a while)
Wedding/event dressing just seems primed for my insecurities to well up, so I’m v happy to shut off my outfit planning brain in those instances. And yes vv lucky!! She gave us the color and we picked from a bunch of preset silhouettes so ofc I picked a wide leg jumpsuit because I *know* my comfort zone lol. Your final look is gorgeous but I totally empathize with the pre-event panic honestly
I love your wedding dress! I have three dress that I rotate to wear to weddings (one of them I wore to my own wedding...it's navy) and it's fine but sometimes I get bored and go down the same doomed search. Usually I end up going back to what I already have because I never find anything that seems to justifies the splurge. I do fantasise about finding the perfect pair of wide-leg silky/satin pants that's fancy enough for events.
I can relate to having the 'wedding capsule', dresses are great for a one-and-done but the flip side is that it's easy to get bored. It would be nice if wearing dresses to weddings wasn't such a default, I want to shift mine to a more silky trouser/silk jacket type too and separates would be more versatile.
Yes, I've dyed other clothes before, but I'm just too nervous to DIY the most expensive item I've ever bought! lol would rather leave to a professional
A slightly more local option (on the East Coast at least) is Green Matters Natural Dye Company that offers a Natural Black. They are really responsive to questions about specific garments, and set reasonable expectations of what they can do.
I’m old and haven’t been to a wedding in 7ish years, & have never been to a black tie event! I don’t know what I’d wear, probably an old bias cut silk 30s gown I have languishing in the closet. I’ve had good luck finding simone rocha & cecilie bahnsen secondhand (but not the more fancy stuff!) for cheap, but it’s never when you need it!
I think this is my first black-tie event! I should set some alerts for those brands on eBay and TRR but alas, the heart wants what it wants *when* it wants..
I have a black slim sleeveless Calvin Klein sheath that I wear with a long silver necklace and a fuschia pashmina — maybe that’s boring but I look good.
Honestly nuuly was great for when I had weddings to attend, there was a lot more variety of styles than rent the runway had (there’s the occasional selkie too!)
Eleanor! You in your wedding dress!! ✨💫
I think there's something about a wedding being a one time event when you will be seeing both people you know and people you've never met and expecting the outfit you wear to at a glance be able to tell everyone everything you want them to know about you. It's a lot to ask (and that was a really long sentence 😬)! I think you looked beautiful in the one you ended up in and hey, at least it's just one night and it's over now!
Yes, that's it in a sentence!
Seconding all of this! What a treat to see your wedding dress. And I too have way more angst over wedding guest attire than any other kind of clothing. I appreciate that you too want to wear something non-clingy that you can move in and not sweat through. Why is it so hard?
Initially read this headline “Rejecting the Reformation Industrial Complex” as a likely takedown of the Protestant Ethic in modern-day capitalism, ha! Maybe that too :).
omg I didn't even think about that when I was writing it... would have been a departure for me! lol
HahahHahahahahaha!! Top comment!
I have 6 weddings on the docket for the year (!) and have found myself spiraling similarly. Everything looks the same and everything has random cutouts and everything is polyester. It's been a tough hunt for sure!
EVERYTHING IS POLYESTER! If this isn’t hell, then…
wishing you luck!
as a recently self proclaimed non-dress wearer, this is my worst nightmare. i realized after decades that dresses really never feel like me, although i love skirt/top separates. if i had to attend a black tie event (which i thankfully never have), i think id try to make separates work with a really architectural skirt in a fancy fabric. or even better a great suit, but i know I’d need to get it tailored and it would probably cost a fortune to get right.
The tailoring was why I didn't look for a suit or separates in the first place (I think black-tie also felt like I would need a very specific type of suit), but I'm absolutely going to look for a suit to keep on deck for the future!
knowing nothing about black tie, i'd be interested to hear what the "rules" are - and whether they vary from community to community. i'm sure whatever they are i would end up breaking them!
Yet another dimension to this.. I think everyone has slightly different standards for black tie!
100% i even forget my own name when trying to find looks for events. It's like I'm born anew just now finding what fashion is. I dont understand it either! I've been on the hunt for a linen suit in a non-beige so I at least have a go-to when my brain takes flight
😂what is this phenomenon !!
this was so fun to read, and wow, your wedding dress is absolutely gorgeous!!
Thank you!!
You are so beautiful and you know yourself so well — said your mom’s new best friend. I have a black tuxedo. Alexander McQueen jumpsuit that I got in about 2015. What was the time of the J.Crew striped shirts and colorful necklaces together? I got it then. That’s it. No new dresses for events ever! Xoxoxo
Wow.. I think you may have posted a photo in this jumpsuit before but would love to see it again sometime. Another good alert to set on the RealReal..
You got it! It would be good for me to make sure it still fits 😂
This was so fun to read, mostly because it is exactly the saga I’ve endured so many times. I, too, can’t stand the slinky style dresses and couldn’t imagine myself wearing them. While I don’t go to weddings often anymore (most of my friends are married) I occasionally have to go to black tie events. Inspired by Allison Bornstein’s “buy the dress when you have nothing planned,” I purchased two dresses secondhand for black tie events. One spring/summer and one fall/winter. Now I don’t worry about it!
Seasonal is smart!
I loved being part of this saga with you, and that you kept the final pick from me until this entry!!!!!! ;)
Wowwww, this is my experience, too. I'm barely 5 feet tall, so finding a long dress for a wedding is always difficult, and I absolutely loaaattheee the formal dress styles being sold rn, which are, as you said, basically ONLY silky, draping, cowl-necky, slinky dresses. They don't work on my athletic build and also, I just find them boring. Everyone wears them. Yawn. Every time I'm invited to a wedding, I freak out, so...nice to know it isn't just me? I had a wedding in March and wore a dress I rented from Nuuly that I didn't love but fit me. It smelled like someone else's body odor and had a weird, trendy pattern, but made my butt look good. I just hope I don't have any more weddings in the future.
Can't wait for your post about finding a pantsuit; that is way more my style!
Oof I've always worried about that happening with rented clothes but luckily that hasn't been my experience so far!
Wedding dressing def taps into anxiety for many ppl I think, myself included!!! I have a few go-to outfits (one is actually an old bridesmaid jumpsuit, the crate bridesmaid outfit that’s actually repeatable?!) that are not my standard style tbh. I think I just say “it’s a wedding, I’m here to look nice in the background of a dance floor pic for the bride” or something? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
also wow your wedding dress is GORGEOUS (and your makeup/hair omg)!! I bet dyeing it would definitely help ease some of that discomfort around wedding dressing. I’m all for the “here’s my go-to wedding look” no thought necessary option, since I already KNOW I will wind up getting in my head abt it regardless of how the outfit objectively looks. Not for everyone, but it’s a compromise I was happy to make to stop having that last minute PANIC tbh.
wow--can't believe you were able to keep an old bridesmaid outfit! (to be fair, I've only had two, and I got to pick both out myself, but neither felt like me after a while)
Wedding/event dressing just seems primed for my insecurities to well up, so I’m v happy to shut off my outfit planning brain in those instances. And yes vv lucky!! She gave us the color and we picked from a bunch of preset silhouettes so ofc I picked a wide leg jumpsuit because I *know* my comfort zone lol. Your final look is gorgeous but I totally empathize with the pre-event panic honestly
I love your wedding dress! I have three dress that I rotate to wear to weddings (one of them I wore to my own wedding...it's navy) and it's fine but sometimes I get bored and go down the same doomed search. Usually I end up going back to what I already have because I never find anything that seems to justifies the splurge. I do fantasise about finding the perfect pair of wide-leg silky/satin pants that's fancy enough for events.
I can relate to having the 'wedding capsule', dresses are great for a one-and-done but the flip side is that it's easy to get bored. It would be nice if wearing dresses to weddings wasn't such a default, I want to shift mine to a more silky trouser/silk jacket type too and separates would be more versatile.
Thanks, Lin! I feel like I should have at least one go-to dress by now, but somehow that's escaped me
As for dying your wedding dress black, have you thought about doing it yourself? I’ve had a lot of success with using Rit Dye in the sink.
Yes, I've dyed other clothes before, but I'm just too nervous to DIY the most expensive item I've ever bought! lol would rather leave to a professional
A slightly more local option (on the East Coast at least) is Green Matters Natural Dye Company that offers a Natural Black. They are really responsive to questions about specific garments, and set reasonable expectations of what they can do.
Thank you!! I am going to reach out to them.
I’ve f*cked with Rit many a time and I’m now at the point where I can wave the white (undyed) flag and say “Never again.” It’s a real pain 🥲
I went to FIT for design. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DYE THAT DRESS YOURSELF. Too many variables
I’m old and haven’t been to a wedding in 7ish years, & have never been to a black tie event! I don’t know what I’d wear, probably an old bias cut silk 30s gown I have languishing in the closet. I’ve had good luck finding simone rocha & cecilie bahnsen secondhand (but not the more fancy stuff!) for cheap, but it’s never when you need it!
I think this is my first black-tie event! I should set some alerts for those brands on eBay and TRR but alas, the heart wants what it wants *when* it wants..
I have a black slim sleeveless Calvin Klein sheath that I wear with a long silver necklace and a fuschia pashmina — maybe that’s boring but I look good.
Not boring! Sounds like you have an event uniform
Honestly nuuly was great for when I had weddings to attend, there was a lot more variety of styles than rent the runway had (there’s the occasional selkie too!)